He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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