girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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