Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize