I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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