Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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