I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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