Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
