I didn't shave. On purpose
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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