I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
