When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
