There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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