I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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