I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
