my phone needs a breathalizer
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
