Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
