matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
