An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Bring me that man meat
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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