just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
