i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
