hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
