just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
