I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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