He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
