I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
