Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
