Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You may now shotgun with the bride
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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