Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
