i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
