my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
