He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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