Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
