He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
