Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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