Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
