so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
