At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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