Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
