Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Randomize