This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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