so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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