FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
