so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
