I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
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