So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
