I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
