If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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