I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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