Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize