Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
