We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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