i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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