Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
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