this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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