u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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