Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i think i have two assholes
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
