Please, let me fuck your mom
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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