The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
