you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
