i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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