the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
