am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
