I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
