it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
