So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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