I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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