So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
