I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
My ass is underappreciated
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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