I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
