Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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