ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
