my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
