Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
